Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
50% drunk capacity currently
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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