Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
