i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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