I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
