I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
