i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
