I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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