There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
