I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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