so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
