DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
