I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
