well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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