That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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