Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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