Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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