Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
