highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
