If that was your dad, he is hot
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
