So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
