My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
