I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
