16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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