who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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