so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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