the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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