tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
