I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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