i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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