This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
