you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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