whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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