is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
