Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
