xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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