my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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