Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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