Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
