i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
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this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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