The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
