lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
