So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
