how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
