Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
