i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
