I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
