and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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