We're facebook friends in real life
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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