They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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