if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
