I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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