i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize