Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
