I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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