thus making me awesome and them whores
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
