He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
