there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
