Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
