i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
